


Two Thrones ComiCon 2019 (Or, What Happens When Gandalf Gets Behind the Wheel...)

by Wenderful52



Series: Two Thrones Holidays [2]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: An Invincible Summer, And Winter Came..., Broken Wings, Legolas Ion nîn, TTCon 2019, Two Thrones, What Makes a King, holiday story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:35:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21946684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wenderful52/pseuds/Wenderful52
Summary: In which our readers take a trip to Dale to meet their favorite characters from Two Thrones.And the Pixley chapter of the Red Hat Society and some friends from the Shady Pines Senior Center, decide to tag along.
Relationships: Bard of Laketown/Thranduil, Bard the Bowman/Thranduil, Daeron/Rhian, Ermon/Elénaril, Galadriel/Celeborn, Galion/Rôgon, Hilda/Percy, Idril/Adamar, Indis/Ómar
Series: Two Thrones Holidays [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1539709
Comments: 110
Kudos: 16





	1. The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round...

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a gift to all my loyal readers of the Two Thrones Series, who have stuck with me and delighted me, moved me, fed my soul with your supportive comments. And for those who quietly hang out in the background and leave kudos, I am more grateful than I can express.
> 
> Happy Holidays, and may you all have a prosperous and joyous New Year

“Ethel! Ethel! We’re over here!” Martha frantically waved her hand to the petite, white-haired lady, who rushed over with a look of relief. 

“Where's your Red Hat?”

“The dog chewed a hole in it,” Martha answered. 

“Nice shirt.”

Martha looked down at her reindeer sweatshirt. “It was a present from my grandson. Didn’t Sadie ride with you?”

“No. She said she’d be with the rest of the folks from the rest home.”

“How many are coming?”

“A half-dozen or so. How did you find out about this shopping trip anyway?”

“It was on the bulletin board down at the Piggly-Wiggly for a group called AO3—”

“What kind of group is that?” Ethel quirked a suspicious eyebrow above her glasses. “If that's a political group, I’m outta here.”

“No, thank God.” Martha said. “They’re some sort of literary group.”

“A Book Club?”

“I think so.”

“Why would a bunch of bookworms want to go to a shopping mall?”

“Who knows? Who cares? There’s a big sale in a place called Dale. This lady, Wendy-something - I think she’s a travel agent – arranged it for her friends at AO3, and said there was plenty of room on the bus. You know me,” she smiled, “I’ll never turn down a good bargain.”

“I do know you,” Ethel rolled her eyes. “Oh, look, here they are!”

A blue van with “Shady Pines” in white letters pulled into the parking lot, and out came Sadie, along with her husband Saul who was wearing a Santa cap and a big grin. Three other ladies disembarked: Agnes, Sophia and Maude, and Luther, who carried Maude’s purse, and helped her out of the van with her cane.

“For Chrissake, Saul,” Sadie scolded, “take off that stupid hat; we're Jewish!"

“So? I like to keep ‘em guessing,” he laughed, as he handed over her purse.

“I still don’t understand why you and Luther wanted to come.”

“You’ll need a pack mule, to haul all your goodies home,” he tipped his red and white hat to reveal a black yarmulke underneath. “At your service, madam.”

“Oh, horse-hockey,” she rolled her eyes, “I’ll bet you two are looking for a card game to hustle.”

“That, too,” he shrugged happily and clasped his hands eagerly. “Are we all ready?”

They turned and took in the sight of the sleek black and gold coach. 

Someone had pasted a huge banner on the side that said “Middle Earth or Bust! TTCon 2019!!”

“What’s Middle Earth?” Agnes asked. “I thought we were going to Dale,”

“It’s probably just the name of the Mall,” Martha said with confidence. “It will be fun! Loosen up!”

“I can’t loosen up,” Maude said. “I just had a hip replacement.”

“Will there be enough room? Maybe they should have rented a double-decker…” 

“I hope there’s decent bathrooms there,” Agnes groaned. “On the last bus trip, the toilets were so dirty I would have rather gone in the bushes!”

“You worry too much,” Martha said. “We’re going on an adventure! It’ll be fun!”

“Are you sure we’re in the right place?” Ethel’s forehead wrinkled, as they eyed the unusual group by the side of the bus. 

“Yes, we are. See? That Wendy-Person is waving at us! Now put on your Red Hats and let’s go meet the others!”

The group headed toward the small crowd as a plump blonde-haired woman who was also wearing a Santa hat with the words, “Scrooge Squad” embroidered on the white trim, and a sweatshirt that said “Santa’s Favorite Elf.” 

Only the Elf looked nothing like the diminutive creatures from the North Pole. This Elf was…

“…Handsome,” Martha murmured to herself. “That boy could drive _my_ sleigh.”

“Martha!” Ethel jabbed her with a giggle.

“Are you Martha, the one I spoke to on the phone?” The woman smiled as she offered a hand. “We’re so glad you could make it! My name is Wenderful52, but you can just call me Wendy.” 

“Yes, I am; pleased to meet you,” she took the hand and shook it firmly. 

“And these are your Red Hat Ladies?” she tilted her head at the men. “I see you are an inclusive group.”

“Oh, they’re just here to do the heavy lifting,” Sadie told her. “That one with the hat is my husband Saul, and Luther is Maude’s boyfriend.”

“Hey, the more the merrier. We’re going to have a great time!”

Martha smiled and pointed to her shirt. “I like the Elf.”

“Oh, this old thing?” she grinned. “This is King Thranduil, actually, and you'll get to meet him today.”

Ethel met Martha’s eyes and mouthed, _King?_

“Come on over and meet the gang," Wenderful took Martha's elbow and urged her toward the bus. "I’ve stickers for our names, so we can get to know one another. These are my fans from my latest story in the Two Thrones Series…”

“Your book club,” Ethel said helpfully. 

“Er… in a manner of speaking,” Wendy admitted. “Now, let’s get your name stickers on, and you guys can make yourselves comfortable on the bus…”

Thankfully, a couple of the book club members helped the Red Hatters up the steep steps.

“Thank you,” Sophia said to a dark-haired young man with a nose ring and a tag that read “Constantine_You_Owe_Me. “I’m not as steady as I used to be. Should I call you Constantine?”

“You can call me Leo,” he said with a friendly smile. “And that’s my fiancé, Bethany.”

“Hello, dear,” Sophia said to the lovely girl as she took her seat and patted the one next to her. “Have you been to Dale?”

“No,” Bethany said, “but Leo has cousins there, and I’ve heard a lot about it.” 1

“What do his cousins do?”

“Lynne and Mona run a fabric shop in the Market. They're the nicest people, and their materials are made by Elves, Dwarves and Men.”

“’Elves, Dwarves and Men?’” she pursed her lips. “I’ve never heard of that company. Do they make drapes?”

Leo and Bethany exchanged glances. “Not exactly," he smothered a grin. “But I think you’ll like it there, just the same.”

> _“Are we all comfortable?” Wendy stood by the driver’s seat and picked up the microphone. “I would like to officially welcome the Broken Wings chapter of the Two Thrones Appreciation Society, and extend a special welcome to our guests from the Shady Pines Senior Center in Pixley, who have decided to join us in today’s adventure! Let’s give them a big round of applause, everybody!”_

Martha, Ethel and the rest of waved back. “As spokesperson, I want to say thank you for having us!”

Another cheer went up.

> _“This is also a wonderful opportunity for our AO3 members,” Wendy explained. We’ve seen the different usernames on the screens, read each other’s comments and talked to each other online, but for most of us, it’s the first time we’ve actually met face-to-face. Isn’t that exciting? I hope you enjoy each other’s company as much as I look forward to talking to you each week!_
> 
> _“Now, there is a bathroom located there on the back of the bus, plus there will be numerous facilities set up around the Dale Market, so that shouldn’t be a problem. If any of you get lost, just stop one of the guards in uniform posted throughout the place, and they will direct you to where you need to go._

“Security guards,” Martha assured Ethel. “Nice to know we won’t have to worry about muggers or purse-snatchers while we’re there.”

> Wendy continued to speak in the microphone. _“Once the bus arrives, we will be taken directly to the Great Hall, where light refreshments will be served. There will be bathroom facilities located at the back of the Hall, if you need them, so once the necessities are taken care of, you can take your seats and get ready for the program to start.”_

“A theater!” Martha clasped her hands together. “We’ll get to see a play!”

“Well, _it is_ a literary society,” Ethel nodded, knowingly. “I’ll bet it’s Shakespeare; one of the Henrian works, maybe. Those are my favorite.”

> _“There will be plenty of opportunity to meet your favorite characters after the program, and, if you have brought your own cameras, you can even take a picture with one of them.”_ Wendy’s face grew serious. _“Please, be responsible for your own electronics; there will be no way to retrieve them once we’ve left this evening, and any found laying around will be…destroyed, for obvious reasons.”_

“What the hell,” Saul complained. “I paid $600 buck for this camera!”

“Then keep track of it,” Agnes nudged him. “They obviously don’t have a ‘Lost and Found,’ there. It’s covered under our insurance policy anyway.”

> _“There are several places to buy food while you’re there, but keep in mind that Dale’s Royal Chef, Lewis Cook is preparing a special Feast for us this evening, to be followed by dancing in the Great Hall, with music provided by Bofur and his band!”_
> 
> _Wendy picked up her clipboard. “Ok, our driver should be here soon, but while we wait, let’s do a roll call, shall we? Leemitage?”_
> 
> _“I’m here!” A lovely lady with short hair, and accent answered, as she settled down with her Luke Evans pillow. “Can’t wait!”_
> 
> _“Leemitage comes from New Zealand, where they made the Tolkien movies! Lucky her!”_

A hoot went up.

> _“Do you have the wine you promised to bring?”_
> 
> _“Right here,” Leemitage triumphantly pulled two bottles out of her pillowcase. "And there's more where that came from!"_
> 
> _“Now,” Wenderful ran her finger down the list, “where is littbrat?”_
> 
> _“Here!” said a woman replied in a smooth Southern drawl. She was wearing lovely outfit, and holding a big bag of popcorn. She was sitting next to a woman in green dress, looking wonderful with henna-shaded hair._
> 
> _“You look nice! Oooh, is that caramel corn?” Wendy asked hopefully._
> 
> _“Yep.” littbrat held up the bags. “I’ve also got Parmesan, and plain salt and butter. Plenty for anyone who wants some!”_
> 
> _“Smells terrific. I see TildaTheFlowerGirl is with you, there. Nice work on the outfits, Til!”_
> 
> _“Thanks,” Tilda blushed. “I enjoyed meeting littbrat, and we’ve become good friends.”_
> 
> _“Hey, that’s what it’s all about. Now, I see Constantine_You_Owe_Me, and is that your lovely fiancé sitting with Sophia?”_
> 
> _“Yes, it is,” Leo put his arm around the brown-haired girl._
> 
> _“Thanks for coming! Sebby1027? Oh, there you are; you look fabulous!”_
> 
> _And she did, in her red dress under a black fur-lined coat. “Thanks, Wenderful.”_
> 
> _Wendy looked over the crowd in the seats. “Okay, now we’ve got the lovely Morvidra who came to us all the way from Australia!”_
> 
> _“G’day,” Morvidra’s arm went up. “Glad to be here.”_
> 
> _“And Golden? I’m so glad you could come! How’s the leg, dear?”_
> 
> _“I’m here,” Golden answered with a small wave. “Thanks for the help getting on the bus. Now, you said I’d get an Elf to help get me around?”_
> 
> _“Yep. I’m all over it.” Wendy gave her a thumbs up._

Martha blinked in surprise and turned to Ethel. “What did she just say?”

“She’s getting Sebby some ‘help’ to get around.” Ethel whispered back. “When we get back, you need to get your hearing checked.”

“Shhh!” Martha smacked her arm and whispered. “I can’t hear!”

> _“BagofAngryKittens? Where are you?”_
> 
> _“Here!”_
> 
> _“Dmadddruidd? Gouniversefanuniverse? Kayakaari? Great! And were are Kyuumiahara, Less, and Levana? Kyrie_Eleison? Wow! We’ve got quite a crowd here! Mirimi, and Nafrotiel, are you back there?”_
> 
> _“Here we are!”_
> 
> _“That’s great!_ _Jessieb, how about you? Great! LadyAurelia? Check. Living_Hazy? Ok… NightingalesAndHandGrenades? And Jeffthemermaid? Where are you? And Hanany is here! How do you like college? Where is PirateLawrence? Pirate? Where are you?”_
> 
> _“Present!”_ came the shout from the third row from the back.
> 
> _“vanessaSU, is that you, sitting next to Winter_Genisis?”_
> 
> _“That’s me!”_
> 
> _“That’s me, too!”_
> 
> _“Yoshiaki! I’m thrilled you could make it too! Well that looks like everybody; now that we just need Gandalf—”_
> 
> _“Let’s see… Starfox5000?_ _UltraFirelily? Booksandguns?”_
> 
> _“Here I am! And I brought plenty of cider.”_ Two gallon jugs were held up, to everyone’s delight.
> 
> _“The hard stuff, I hope?”_ Wendy grinned. _“I’ve got plenty of cups, plates and napkins, so let’s have a few drinks, while we wait for Gandalf!”_

Saul and Luther sat up with hopeful smiles. “This might be fun,” Luther whispered.

“If you get soused before we get there,” Saul warned, "you’ll do crap at the card tables."

The drinks were poured out, and the snacks were distributed, and soon the two groups began to laugh and talk together. The AO3 group were delighted by their guests and showed them every courtesy, and it was a great party.

Saul stood and toasted their hosts. “Mazel Tov!”

“Look!” Sophia pointed to out the window. An opaque cloud of white smoke suddenly appeared to the bus’s right. “What on earth…”

“Oh, that’s our driver,” Leo leaned over and told the elderly woman. 

A tall figure walked out of the fog, leaning on an old walking stick. He was clothed entirely in grey robes with a glittery blue-grey scarf around his neck, and a large pointed hat sat on his head, over long, grey hair and an even longer grey beard.

“He needs a new cane,” Maude said to Luther.

The man lifted his hand, and said in a booming voice, _“Edra!”_ The door of the bus folded back, and he climbed up the steps to stand beside Wenderful.

> _“Please allow me to introduce Gandalf the Grey, our escort to Middle Earth, and our driver!”_
> 
> _The man put his hand over his heart and brought it out in a salute. “I am delighted to be here and to meet you all. Shall we begin our journey?”_

“What a strange outfit,” Ethel murmured.

“He’s probably in the first act of the play,” Martha mused. “That makeup job must take three hours, at least; he’d have no time, otherwise.”

“I don’t remember a wizard in any of Shakespeare’s Henrian plays.” Ethel tapped her front teeth as she considered. “Maybe this is his version of Falstaff, do you think?”

“Could he be one of the three witches in MacBeth?” 

“Could be. Local theaters improvise all the time.” Ethel scowled. “And don’t say that name! Say _‘The Scottish Play,’_ or it’s bad luck!”

> _“All right folks,”_ Wendy called out through the microphone. _“Make sure you’re buckled up, and if any of you get travel sickness, remember that there are special bags in the pocket of the seat in front of you. Let’s go!”_

And the bus began to move.

“Hey Luth?” Saul whispered. “Did you see that guy put the keys in the ignition?”

“Nope. Do you hear an engine running?”

“Nope. How in the hell is he getting this tub to move?”

“Maybe it’s one of those new, electric vehicles,” Sadie offered.

“I know about electric cars, but I’ve never seen an electric bus,” Luther shook his head. “Still,” he lifted his shoulder in a half-shrug. “It seems to be a smooth ride.”

“I’ll give him that… But… Aren’t we moving kinda fast? What’s the speed limit on this road?”

They looked out the window as the scenery blew past in a blur. Saul’s eyes bulged. “Why aren’t we feeling any bumps in the road?”

“We must not be on the road at all,” Martha pointed out the window. “We’re on the same level as the treetops! We’re flying!”

 _“Oy vey,”_ Agnes’s hand went to her throat and clutched her pearls.

“Holy shit,” Luther murmured.

“Jesus H. Christ,” Saul ran his hand over his face.

 _“Saul!”_ Sadie hissed, as she whacked him with her purse. “Watch your language, you schmuck!”

** ELVEN TRANSLATIONS: **

_Edra!_ – Open!

** NOTES: **

[1] _Legolas, Ion nîn_ , Ch. 35: <https://archiveofourown.org/works/17088320/chapters/46563850>


	2. We are here!  We are here!  We are here!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, the bus has arrived, and our passengers get their first look of Dale. What will they think of Middle Earth, and the City of Bells?

Martha held Ethel’s hand for the entire trip, and when the bus finally slowed down and came to a stop, offered up a silent prayer of thanks.

“You can open your eyes now, Luth,” Saul murmured.

“I didn’t close my eyes!”

“Yes, you did,” Maude retorted. “You missed all the scenery.”

Luther craned his head and took in their surroundings. “We’re sitting in front of a high wall.”

“No, shit, Sherlock,” muttered Saul. “Get a load of those huge doors ahead.”

“This doesn’t look like Mall, Martha,” Ethel whispered into her hear.

“Maybe once we’re inside,” she muttered out of the corner of her mouth. 

“Are those wagons?” Sadie pointed. “And horses? What is this?”

“Ooh! Maybe it’s one of those ‘Living History Museums,’” Agnes said brightly, “like Colonial Williamsburg? We went there with my son’s family about ten years ago, just before Herb passed. I thought it was wonderful!”

“That would explain the costumes,” Martha agreed.

“But you said, it was going to be a shopping trip!” Sadie clipped the shades onto her glasses, but not before she glared at Martha. “Didn’t you look at the brochure?”

“There wasn’t a brochure; just that notice in the grocery store! I don’t see why you’re fussing; we haven’t even got there yet.”

“Shh!” Ethel smacked Martha with the back of her hand. “Wendy’s about to say something!”

> _“Hope you enjoyed the trip and welcome to Middle-Earth!” Wenderful52 rose from her seat with an eager grin. “We’re just outside of Dale and I see our official Welcoming Committee is waiting to take us inside the city gates. We’ve got several escorts arranged to help some of our less-mobile passengers, and they are just approaching now, I see. Now, once we disembark, you’ll be driven into Dale on wagons, and we’ll go straight to the Great Hall were a light lunch buffet is waiting for us. But before you get on the wagons,” Wendy pointed to the table where three people were seated with small chests, “you’ll need to see Alun, Evan and Gloin to exchange your money for the currency used in Dale. I’m sorry, but the vendors at the market don’t take anything else._
> 
> _“Have you got your things ready? I’d like to let our guests from the Pixley Red Hats off first, then we’ll get the rest of you off the bus in an orderly fashion, okay?”_

Martha and Ethel buttoned their coats and grabbed their purses and stood with the others, as Sophia raised her hand.

“Would it be all right if Leo and Bethany helped me off the bus?”

“Sure!” Wendy nodded. “Leo, could you plan to stay with her in Dale?”

He exchanged glances with Bethany, “That would be fun.”

Once the Seniors were off the bus, they found several tall, thin people in robes standing in a semi-circle to greet them.

“Oooh! Look at their ears!” Ethel said.

“Look at their clothes!” Martha added.

“Look at their hair,” Saul’s eyebrows went up. “If they didn’t have those pointy things, I’d say they were from some sort of hippie religious commune.”

“Oh, quite being such an old poop,” Sadie gave her husband a dirty look asked them, “and who are you all supposed to be?”

“We… are Elves, My Lady,” an attractive, dark-haired young man made the same gesture as Gandalf. “My name is Ivran, and this is my wife, Cwën.” The girl smiled and also gestured. She looked sweet in flowing maroon robes, and her golden blonde hair hung nearly to her waist. We will be your escorts for the day.”

“Oh, how nice!” Maude said, then noticed that one of them was carrying a sign that said, _Maude – Shady Pines._ “I’m Maude! And who are you?”

“My name is Elladan, son of Elrond, Good Lady. I am told you recently had surgery on your hip, so I am here to assure you enjoy your day as comfortably as possible.”

Luther cleared his throat. “The lady’s with me, lad.”

“Of course, you are,” Elladan bowed his head. “Are you also physically impaired in some way? Can I be of service to you?”

“Now, look here, you—” Luther put his finger in the hippie’s face.

“Hold on,” Maude put her hand on his arm and lowered his hand. “He’s only trying to help, you goon!” She turned and smiled up at the black-haired ‘Elf.’ “Luther is my ‘gentleman friend,’ and when he isn’t acting like a cave-dweller,” she shot him a dirty look, “he’s really quite sweet. It’s just that he’s been a bit protective since my surgery. They said my heart stopped twice.”

“Really?” Elladan’s face grew concerned. “Would you be willing to be examined in our Healing House? I would be very interested to see if there is anything we can do for you.” He quickly nodded to Luther, “of course, your friend is willing to come along, as well.”

“You’d better believe it, buddy,” Luther stood up straight. “I go where she goes.”

“Of course, you do.” Elladan stifled a smile.

Another man who looked remarkably like Elladan was helping Golden off the bus. “I am Elrohir,” he said with a slight bow. “Twin brother to Elladan, and I am to be your guide for today. Do you have any currency you wish to exchange before we board the wagon?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact,” she pulled out her wallet. “I’m told there is a jewelry store here?”

“Oh, yes,” he said. “They sell some of the finest Dwarven made rings, necklaces and such, which are very ornate and colorful. For those with a preference for simpler trinkets, they also carry a line made by the Elves.”

“Oh, good!” Leo said. “I was hoping they’d have something like that! Come on, Bethany, let’s help Sophia over to get their money taken care of.”

“Agnes,” Bethany asked the other lady. “Want to come with us?”

“Aren’t you nice, dear,” Agnes picked up her plastic-canvas tote bag and took the girl’s arm.

It took nearly an hour for the passengers to get their currency all sorted; they were not at all used to dealing entirely in coin, and had difficulty understanding what each one was worth. 

“I don’t want to be ripped off, and given too little change back for my money,” Saul said. “I wasn’t born yesterday, you know.”

“I completely understand,” Gloin nodded. “You’re a man after my own heart!”

“My pop always said, ‘take care of your pennies, and your dollars will take care of themselves.”

“Your father was a skinflint and a cheapskate,” Sadie rolled her eyes, “and you’re a chip off the old block. Mr. Gloin?” she eyed the squat man with the full red beard. “Could you all just write on a piece of paper what all this means, and we can keep it with us? That would shut my husband up and maybe we’d all enjoy ourselves.”

“I can do that, Madam,” Evan said. “would you like some more copies?”

“I want one,” Martha said. 

So, once all the pouches were filled with the currency information, the tour group was ready to get into the wagons. The tall, think, long-haired men and women were remarkably strong, and lifted them up easily into the comfortable seats and helped them arrange the small pillows to ease their backs for the short trip.

“This is just like the hayrides we used to take on my Uncle Milton’s farm when I was a girl,” Ethel grinned. “Only these cushions are much nicer than bales of hay!”

“I should think so,” Martha said. “This is really plush velvet! Maybe I’ll swipe one for the bus ride home.”

“You wouldn’t!” Ethel’s jaw dropped. “That’s stealing!”

“What are they gonna do? Throw an old lady in jail? I’ll just say it was a mistake.”

“Stop!”

Just then, a shout went up, a horn blasted and the bells in the tall tower by the wall began to ring, and the huge, thick rounded doors in the wall surrounding Dale slowly opened to welcome their visitors. The “Elven” drivers jumped into their seats, unlocked the brakes, and flipped the reins as they clicked their teeth, and horses tossed their heads and they entered the City of Bells.

What a beautiful place Dale was! The warm, stone buildings had red-tiled roofs and the cobble-stone streets were smooth and clean. Boxes of flowers bloomed on many of the windows, hung with gaily-colored curtains. People, all dressed in medieval costumes lined the streets to cheer and welcome them, the women waved brightly colored handkerchiefs and the some of the children held flowers. Flags flew on the domed buildings and along their way. A colorful kites were flying high in the air, some of which had the shape of a Dragon.

“It’s like we’ve entered another time…” Maude said, as she leaned on Luther’s arm. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say we’ve entered a whole other world.”

“Like an amusement park! It’s very colorful,” Agnes said. 

The wagons made their way upwards through the pleasant neighborhoods, some with three-story buildings that held apartments, over to the right they could see a large, round plaza surrounded by several shops.

“Look at the murals, and the fountains!”

“Aw, there’s even a little carousel for the kiddies!” Saul said. “Next time, we’ll bring the grandkids; they’d have a blast here. I’ll even pay their way,” he added, in a rare burst of pecuniary generosity.

“I’d like that, dear,” Sadie smiled up at him. “Deep down, you’re a real _mensch,_ honey.”

Saul said nothing, but smiled down at his wife and patted her hand.

Eventually, they arrived at the top of the City of Dale, and rode into a huge Courtyard. Another beautiful fountain with statues stood in the center, surrounded by stone benches. To the right was a large building, that had a Far-Eastern feel, with three domed archways covering the dais at the top of the wide steps. To the left were two high towers with a walkway over a graceful arch that offered a beautiful view of the City.

Just ahead was the Castle, a huge stone building with rounded garrets on the left and right, with a bright looking set of oak double-doors, with ornate iron trimmings. On the lower dais stood a tall, dark-haired man with a plain gold circlet on his head and dark stubble on his face that made him look rugged and attractive. He wore a dark green tunic with gold trim and black calfskin leggings and tall boots. Next to him were three dark-haired children dressed in the same finery – two girls and a boy, who was the image of what obviously was his father.

The littlest girl was holding the hand of a very tall man with icy blonde hair that reached his waist with a silver diadem with a singe moonstone on his brow. He was dressed in a long robe of midnight blue, trimmed in silver, which contrasted beautifully with his hair and grey eyes.

Another blonde man, looking much like the king was with a woman with bright red hair reaching almost to her thighs, and both were wearing dark green and looked beautiful.

“Oh, my God…” Leemitage said. “It’s them! It’s really them!”

“You _know_ these people?” Martha asked DarkenedProngs.

“Yes!” she answered, her voice shaking with excitement. “We’ve all been reading about this family for over two years!” she pointed to the dark-haired man. “See? That’s Bard, who used to be a Bowman in Laketown, before the Dragon attacked.”

“Dragon?” Ethel asked. “Like ‘Puff the Magic Dragon?’”

“Or that old movie, ‘Pete’s Dragon,’” Sadie offered.

“No; this one was a monster, and he destroyed an entire city,” DarkenedProngs said. “But I digress. Now, that’s Thranduil; he’s the really tall Elvenking, and his son Legolas is with him and his adopted daughter Tauriel, who is the red-head.”

“Those kids with Bard,” TildatheFlowerGirl said, “are Sigrid, the oldest, then Bain, who is the Crown Prince, and little Tilda is holding her _Ada’s_ hand. That’s the Elven word for ‘daddy.’”

“’Daddy?’” Luther’s brow furrowed in confusion. “But isn’t Bard…”

“Yes,” littbrat answered. “But so is Thranduil. He and Bard got married three years ago, and they combined their family.”

“Kinda like the Brady Bunch,” Martha offered.

“More like Saul’s cousin Ira and his hubby,” Sadie told Saul. “They both have kids and Imal is Muslim, so they have different religions, too.”

“They’re from California,” Saul explained. 

The senior residents nodded at this explanation, while Wenderful and the Two Thrones fans smiled indulgently.

“Here we are everybody!” Wendy stood up next to Gandalf. “We need to all go and greet the Kings, then we’ll head over to the Great Hall,” she pointed to the huge, red-domed building.”

Once the group disembarked, with help from their Elven friends and several of the ‘guards’ that were posted in the Courtyard, they gathered into a small group and approached the steps to the Castle.

“My Lord Bard, King of Dale,” Wendy curtsied deeply. “Thank you for allowing us to visit your fair City. It is a great honor.”

“The honor is mine,” the King bowed, then opened his arms. “Welcome to all of you, and I hope you enjoy your day here! You know my husband, of course?”

“I do,” she put her hand over her heart and gracefully swept it toward the Elvenking, palm-up. “ _Dhe suilannon_ , _Hîr nîn_ _Thranduil_ _.”_

Then she stepped back and said, “It is my honor and pleasure to present some of my faithful readers on Archive of Our Own, and our guests from the Pixley chapter of the Red Hat Society, at the Shady Pines Senior Center!”

The Kings gracefully descended the steps, and Galion arranged a receiving line by the Great Hall, so each could be introduced as they entered the building. Leemitage was thrilled to meet King Bard, especially, and showed him her pillowcase.

“That… looks like me, though I do not recall every posing thus. And in this painting, my hair is much shorter!”

“It’s not a painting, My Lord,” Leemitage explained. “It’s called an ‘Iron-On.’”

Bard held it up. “I think I like it.”

“I like the face, but do not like the haircut,” Thranduil studied it. “I had wondered what you might look like with short hair, but I do prefer it long, _Meleth nîn_.”

“Thanks, love,” the King winked. “By the way, you look cute in the hat on Wenderful’s shirt.”

“Red,” the Elvenking sniffed imperiously, “is not my color. That shade is much too bright; I much prefer a deep crimson with blue undertones.”

“Well, I think you look nice on her shirt, _Ada_ ,” Tilda smiled up at him. “Can I get one?”

“They’re all very nice,” Maude said, as she looked on. “Excellent manners.”

“They all have courtly manners,” Ethel observed. 

“I agree,” Morvidra smiled at the ladies. “But they’re really friendly and easy to get to know. They’re not stuffy or snobby at all.”

“Is he here?” Leo craned his head to look over the crowd.

“Is who here?” Agnes asked, as she held Bethany’s arm.

“Rôgon! He is actually a character I helped Wenderful create, and I’ve been dying to meet him!”

“Isn’t he the one who just married Galion?” Bethany asked.

“Yep.”

“And didn’t they just get a cat that nearly bit off his—” 1

“Shhh!” Sebby1027 shushed her as she waved her hands in the air. “Don’t bring that up, or Galion might get mad and have us all kicked out!”

“That’s true,” BagofAngryKittens nodded with a wary face. “Pretend like you’ve never heard any of that while we’re here.”

“What about their cat?” Martha wrinkled her nose. 

“We’ll tell you later,” Sebby promised. “Just not here, though; on the bus ride home.”

“Now that,” Ethel said, “I’ve _got_ to hear.”

“Oh, that’s just one of their adventures,” BooksandGuns chimed in with a grin. “I’ll read some of it to you, on the way home.”

**ELVEN TRANSLATIONS:**

_Dhe suilannon, Hîr nîn Thranduil_ \- I give greetings to you, My Lord Thranduil

**NOTES:**

[1] _Broken Wings_ , Ch. 4: <https://archiveofourown.org/works/20519588/chapters/49055189>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone's interested, the title of this chapter is from my favorite Dr. Seuss book, "Horton Hears a Who."


	3. Not All Heroes Wear Capes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SUMMARY: After a pleasant lunch our favorite characters are formally introduced, and the Q & A starts. It was not exactly an auspicious beginning…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi gang! 
> 
> I didn't forget about you - our trip to Dale is still in full swing, and the program is about to start. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed your holiday, and New Year's celebrations. I've had a busy, busy week here, and I am so thankful for your patience!
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

**The Great Hall, City of Dale**

> _Wenderful52 stepped up on the platform in the Great Hall and walked over to the podium. A long table was set up on the stage with several chairs. “Did everyone enjoy their lunch?”_
> 
> _“The program will start in fifteen minutes, so if you need to use the facilities, they are in the back of the hall, near those two double doors, then gather your things and take a seat!”_

“Do you have to go?” Martha asked.

“Just went,” Ethel nodded and pointed to the chairs that had been set up in the middle of the Hall. “What’s the program supposed to be?”

“I’m not sure, but see all the bags?”

Indeed, there was. Some of the others were seated and carried sacks and were arranging them as they talked excitedly to each other. 

“I feel bad, now! We should have brought stuff to give these people, too!”

“We’ll make sure to do it next time, dear, but I’m sure they don’t mind. It didn’t say anything about that on the notice at the grocery store, so don’t worry about it.”

The ladies grabbed a cold drink and a few cookies from the buffet table and claimed two of the chairs. 

“Oh, these cushions are nice and comfy,” Ethel smiled as she sat down. “I wonder if they’re made from that new Memory Foam? My old bones just can’t handle hard seats anymore.”

“I think the bus service supplied them for that very reason,” Martha agreed. 

“Well, whoever did it, I’ll include them in my prayers at church next Sunday.” Ethel sighed.

> _“Okay, does everyone have a seat?”_ Wendy called out again, and the din of chatter in the huge room died down. _“If anybody needs anything, just raise your hand, and Rhys and Bowen will come over and see what we can get for you._
> 
> _“Now, let’s get started! I know you met them in the receiving line, but now they are here to answer any questions their faithful readers might have, but first, I’d like to give them all a big round of applause for all the efforts they have made to act out my little stories for you! Let’s give them a hand!”_

The crown enthusiastically clapped and cheered. There were even a few whistles from the audience.

“Saul! Don’t whistle; you don’t even know what they’re talking about!” Sadie jabbed her husband.

“Just joining in,” he gave her a dirty look. “It’s only polite.”

Luther seconded Saul’s opinion by putting his fingers in his mouth and let out an earsplitting whistle.

“My ears!” Sadie put her hands over her ears.

“If you start bitching,” her husband warned, “I’ll ask him to do it again. Now calm down and let’s have some fun, okay?”

Maude pretended to be shocked, but she secretly smiled at Luther. “It’s about time he told her off,” she whispered in Luther’s ear. “I like her a lot, but sometimes…”

“I know,” he patted her hand. “Now let’s shush, so we can hear what’s going on.”

> “ _First up: he’s our Host, and we’re grateful he was willing to open up his Kingdom to us today. Here’s Bard the First, son of Brand, Dragonslayer, Lord of the City of Bells, and King of Dale and its surrounding lands!”_

The dark-haired man with the gold-circlet smiled as he stepped up onto the platform and waved to the crowd as he took his seat by Wenderful’s podium. Several of the others cheered loudly, and the one called Leemitage stood and gave him a standing ovation.

“I think he’s cute,” Agnes said to Leo and Bethany. “He could ring _my_ bell anytime!”

Leo and Bethany exchanged amused glances over the woman’s head. 

> _“And next up, we have Thranduil, son of Oropher, Sindar Elf, Dragonslayer and Savior of the Alliance between Elves and Men, King of the Woodland Realm!”_

The tall, lean man with pointed ears and platinum blond hair down to his waist gracefully stepped up, wearing dark blue robes that shimmered when he moved and silver filigree crown that looked like intertwined vines on his brow. He smiled, showing perfect white teeth, as he put his hand to his heart, and brought it out again, palm up, as they clapped and hailed him.

“I like that one,” Martha murmured lustily. “Oh, what I wouldn’t give…”

“He’s married,” Ethel reminded her.

“Still…” she sighed.

“I’d love to have some of that hair,” Saul rubbed his bald head. 

“I’ve heard those guys are called Elves, and they have magic,” Luther said. “If that’s true, maybe they could help you grow some hair back.”

Saul’s eyes lit up. “Say, that’s an idea…”

“Shhhh!” Sadie hissed. “I can’t hear!”

> _“And now let me introduce the rest of the Royal Family from the oldest to the youngest: We have Legolas, son of Thranduil and Mírelen, Prince of the Woodland Realm—”_

The blonde Prince hopped up and waved as he took his seat.

> _“Tauriel, daughter of Neldor and Solana and adopted daughter of Lord Thranduil, Captain of the Guardians of the Woodland Realm, and Lady of Dale—"_

The red-haired ‘Elf” was beautiful in a long yellow gown. She wore a delicate tiara on her brow with light green stones.

> _“Sigrid, daughter of Lord Bard and Matilda of Laketown, adopted daughter of Lord Thranduil, Healer-in-Training, and Princess of Dale!”_

“Oh, look how she’s grown since The Battle of the Five Armies!” littbrat said to Golden. “She is really beautiful! No wonder Bard’s freaked out about her having suitors!”

“Thranduil’s not exactly thrilled about it either,” Golden agreed. “Look! She’s wearing her birthday Jewelry from _And Winter Came…_!”

> _“…Bain, son of Lord Bard and Matilda, adopted son of Lord Thranduil and Crown Prince of Dale and its surrounding lands!”_

“Holy smokes,” Sebby breathed. “He really is as tall as his Da!”

“He’ll be taller in the end, you just watch,” Morvidra whispered. “He’s a good-looking boy.”

> _“And last, but not least, we have a real fan favorite with us today! Tilda, daughter of Lord Bard and Matilda, adopted daughter of Lord Thranduil (and the apple of her Ada’s eye), and Princess of Dale!”_

Tilda’s hair was done up in delightful ringlets for the occasion and sported a sparkling headband with a little silver dragonfly. Her dress was a pretty shade of blue that matched her eyes, and when she grabbed her skirts and curtsied, a collective “Awww…” went up from the audience. Like the others, she went around the table and took her seat, next to Thranduil, who smiled down at her proudly.

> _“And we can’t forget the other members of the Extended Royal Family! Here are our favorite ‘power couple,’ Percy, Steward of Dale, and his wife, Hilda, also known as ‘the Mother of Dale!”_

At the appearance of the two, many of the others working in the Hall joined in the applause. 

“You go girl!” TildatheFlowerGirl waved at Hilda, looking gorgeous in her dark green dress with beautiful details. Her warm winter cloak was carefully folded over the back of her chair. 

> “ _I’m delighted to introduce our newlyweds! We have several new couples here and I know you’ll enjoy meeting them, too! First of all, we have Galion, who only recently married his hubby Rôgon in a private ceremony a couple of months ago! Give it up for Galion and Rôgon everybody!_

“Is that the one who was attacked by the cat?” Bethany mouthed to Leo, who nodded every so slightly.

> _Now, these two have been through a lot, but through the grace of the Valor, they found each other and are very happy. Please welcome Daeron, son of Adamar, Guardian and Healer, and his beautiful wife, Rhian, daughter of Ben and Hannah, assistant to Lady Hilda and their adorable son, Darryn, who just celebrated his third birthday!”_

“Look how big he’s gotten!” BagofAngryKittens said to BooksandGuns, wistfully. “I remember the day he was born…”

“They do grow up fast,” BooksandGuns shook her head. “It was just like yesterday.”

> _“Ivran, of our Guardians, also just got married at the beginning of June to a Warden from Lothlórien by the name of Cwën. Say hello, everybody!”_

Cwën and Ivran didn’t go up front, but they waved to the audience from their place by the front door.

> _“And we can’t forget to thank the ones who prepared all that lovely food for today and tonight, and for arranging for our out-of-town guests to stay. Greta? Lewis? Could you please stand? Greta is the housekeeper of the Castle and here in the Great Hall, and Lewis – we just call him ‘Cook’ – has served as the chef to the Royal Family since the Long Winter, and he is in charge of the Feast we will enjoy this evening. Thanks a lot you two!”_

Red-faced and shy, the Cook and Housekeeper waved, then laughed to each other.

> _“I am also happy to surprise everybody with an announcement, but I will let Lord Bard give you all the joyous news. My Lord?”_
> 
> The King of Dale stood waved his hand to Greta and Lewis and said, _“Just last night, Lewis asked Greta to be his wife, and she accepted. Please join me in giving them our heartfelt congratulations!”_

“Oh, isn’t that nice!” Sophia, ever the romantic, clasped her hands together. “Just like a fairy tale!”

“Er…” Leo said, “it kinda _is_ a fairy tale.”

“But it’s still wonderful,” Leemitage grinned. “I always enjoy a good love story, and Two Thrones has plenty of them.”

“I was right!” TildatheFlowerGirl crowed. “I knew underneath all that bluster, Cook was just a big softie!”

“I think he’s adorable,” littbrat said, from her seat next to her. “By the way, thanks again for making my dress. I love it!”

> _“We’ve spent some time getting to know Daeron’s extended family, and his cousin Turamarth’s got his own set of fans, doesn’t he? Where are you, Tur?”_

Another tall, pointy-eared Elf with mahogany hair dashed forward with a wave, followed by two other Elven couples. The women looked exactly alike.

> _“And we can’t forget Daeron’s parents, Adamar and Idril, and her sister Indis, with her wonderful husband Ómar! Give it up, everybody for the parents of two of our favorite Elves!”_

“They’re gorgeous,” NightingalesAndHandGrenades said softly. “I hear they don’t ever have to worry about getting out of shape. 

“Well, that’s just not fair,” Kyuumiahara muttered.

Martha overheard this, and she whipped around in her chair. “Are you serious? They can eat anything they want, and don’t have to exercise?”

“Yep. They’re Immortal. They won’t get grey hair, or wrinkles…”

“Nothing will ever droop or sag, either?” Ethel gasped. 

“And the lady Elves never had to worry about monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo,’ either,” PirateLawrence added.

“No!” Martha’s jaw dropped. “That can’t be true!”

“It’s in the first work of Wenderful’s series, ‘ _What Makes a King_ ,’ in chapter twenty-seven.” Pirate said. “King Thranduil had no idea and it really freaked him out.”

“Oooh! I remember that!” NightingalesAndHandGrenades brightened. “It was hilarious, but you had to feel for the poor guy.”

“And it all worked out,” Kyuumiahara smiled. “And he and Bard had a nice talk with Sigrid and then later a little romp in the sheets…”

“They always have a good time together.” Pirate grinned, “but I don’t think we should ask them about it here.”

“I agree,” Leemitage said, excitedly. “We’ll just enjoy reading about it, but it’s time to line up for the questions!”

“Oh good!” BagofAngryKittens reached under her seat for the bag of Tupperware containers. 

> _“And now it’s time for our lovely fans to meet the cast! First up, we have Leemitage, who comes to us all the way from New Zealand, and I hear it looks a lot like Middle Earth. There’s even a place called Matamata that has an exact replica of Hobbiton!”_
> 
> _“Really?” Gandalf stroked his beard. “I think I’d like to see that.”_

“So, you just go up and get those people to tell more about their acting roles?” Agnes tilted her head toward Leo. 

“Yep. It’s a lot of fun. People do it for movie and television stars, too. There’s a huge convention in San Diego called ‘ComiCon,’ Wendy told me her cousins live near there and go every year.”

“Really?” Agnes said. “Have you ever been?”

“No,” he shook his head. “I live in the UK, so it’s a bit too far for me.”

“Oh, I would love to see England someday! I’ve always wanted to see the London Bridge!”

> Adéle came forward looking smashing in her best dress and jewelry, and curtsied with a big smile. “I’m so pleased to be here, Lord Bard; it’s such a thrill to meet you all!”

> “You’re very kind,” Bard smiled. “Is there something you’d like to know?”
> 
> “Well, My Lord,” Leemitage said, “my questions are for you: How are your archery skills, now that you’ve had time to adjust to your new powers since your marriage?”

“’Powers?” Sadie leaned forward with interest. “You mean, like magic?”

> _“That’s an excellent question, Adéle!” Wendy turned to the King of Dale expectantly._
> 
> _“Well, as you all know, I didn’t adjust well at all, during the Long Winter. We used to work in the ballroom, before we fixed the Castle up.” He chuckled with a wry grin. “Poor Feren; I can’t tell you how many times I threw my practice sword across the room… I’m ashamed to say he was forced to deal with a few real tantrums, until I got the hang of things. Thankfully he was patient, and he wouldn’t let me lose focus._
> 
> _“I admit it was scary; as much as I loved my husband, and wanted to be with him, this was a huge challenge! Now I am amazed at the things I can do, really. I cannot be as precise as an Elf, but darn near – I hit an acorn in an oak tree from a hundred yards last week, so I’m happy!”_

Everyone ooh and ah’d and there was a small round of applause. 

“I’d like to see him do that,” Saul met Luther’s astounded eyes.

“Maybe we’ll ask him later, once this is done,” Luther said, as he clapped.

> _“I’ve also brought a few things for you,” she reached into her cloth bag and pulled out two bottles of wine. “These are for you and your husband. Where I come from, we make the most amazing Pinot Noir, and I hope you enjoy it. I might not be strong enough for Lord Thranduil, but I know you’ll both enjoy the flavor!”_
> 
> _“How wonderful,” Thranduil smiled. “We cannot wait to try it!”_

> _“I also have this,” she reached into her bag. “I have one just like it at home. It’s a pillow with Luke Evans’ face on one side!” Adéle held it up with triumph._
> 
> _“That look just like Da!” Tilda cried._
> 
> _“Except that guy’s hair is too short,” Sigrid wrinkled her nose. “I like the long hair a lot better.”_
> 
> _“So do I,” Thranduil put his arm over the back of Bard’s chair. “But put a wig on that Luke Evans person, and he would be just as beautiful as you, Meleth nîn.”_
> 
> _“Nuh uh!” Tilda jutted her chin. “My Da is the beautifullest!”_
> 
> _“You mean ‘handsome,’” Bain corrected her._
> 
> _The King of Dale rose and came down from the platform to accept his gifts. “These are very generous. I’m fascinated how you managed to paint my – or rather Mr, Evans’ – likeness on cloth! What do you think, Thranduil? Could you do this?”_
> 
> _“I have never tried, Hervenn nîn, but it might be something to think about. Thank you, My Lady,” the Elvenking bowed his head. “You are most generous.”_
> 
> _“These are just my way of saying ‘thank you’ for having us, My Lord,” Leemitage smiled up at him._
> 
> _“The pleasure’s all mine,” Bard smiled at her. “Are you personally acquainted with Luke Evans?”_
> 
> _“I have a fan blog on Instagram, which he follows, and I actually met him once! He was very kind and generous. Did you know he can sing? As a matter of fact, he just released his first album.”_
> 
> _“He is a singer, you say?”_
> 
> _“One of the best I have ever heard. Can you sing, Lord Bard? I’d love it if you sang a song for me… I mean, for all of us?”_
> 
> _Percy’s hand suddenly covered his mouth to stifle laughter._
> 
> _“Uh oh,” Bain mumbled._
> 
> _The King of Dale exchanged nervous glances with his husband. “I really never sang much, but I could give it a go. I doubt I would measure up to your friend there,” he pointed to the image on the pillow. “I’m not sure what to sing, though.”_
> 
> _Hilda’s face froze in horror as she grabbed her husband’s sleeve. “Do something! You can’t let him—”_
> 
> _But Percy couldn’t let this opportunity pass. “Hey Bard, you remember that song Bofur wrote for our visit to Erebor? You know, the one about Tauriel and Kili? That was really pretty.”1_
> 
> _Tauriel blushed to the roots of her hair, as Sigrid took her hand. “It was a beautiful song, Tauriel,” she said. “Just remember that, and forget what you are about to hear. Better yet, cover your ears.”_
> 
> _“Why?” Tauriel’s brow wrinkled._
> 
> _“Have you ever heard my Da sing?” she asked._
> 
> _“I suppose I could give it a go…” Bard cleared his throat and began:_

_“How can the small flowers grow_

_If the wild winds blow,_

_And the cold snow is all around?_

_And where will the frail birds fly,_

_If their homes on high,_

_Have been torn down to the ground?_

_Hear the winds,_

_That carried you away, and do you_

_Hear the trees as they try to comfort me?_

_But though I'm miles and miles apart from you,_

_You’re beside me, when I think of you,_

_Amrâlimê....”_

> _Poor Leemitage’s face went from elated and excited to wide-eyed and slack jawed. Then she recovered herself and plastered a polite smile on her face._

“Holy shit,” Saul murmured. “It’s like nails on a chalk board.”

“The man cannot sing,” Sadie, for once agreed with her husband.

“What’s worse, is that Bard doesn’t know he can’t sing,” Luther pointed. “Look at him!”

Bard’s eyes were closed, and his head turned back and forth as the words poured out of his mouth. His arms opened wide and he really threw himself into the effort and sang verse after verse, as slowly paced back and forth across the stage, as his Elven husband looked on in absolute dismay. 

“Somebody should stop him!” Maude said. “He is embarrassing himself.”

“Don’t look at me,” Saul silently guffawed.

Martha and Ethel winced at each other, as the big Mastiff and the pug lifted their heads and began to howl.

Up on the stage, Hilda rolled up some papers and started beating Percy on the head.

**ELVEN TRANSLATIONS:**

_Meleth nîn_ – my love

 _Hervenn nîn_ \- my husband.

**NOTES:**

[1] _An Invincible Summer_ , Ch. 15: <https://archiveofourown.org/works/14127870/chapters/34254923>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it looks like our characters don't always match up with the actors in those Peter Jackson films. 
> 
> But not to worry, I'm sure Leemitage will tell the folks from Shady Pines all about Luke Evans' new album, and tell them where they can buy it! It's just too bad Dale doesn't have CD players...


	4. Don't You Know Who I Think I Am?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SUMMARY: Our tourists have met the Characters from Two Thrones, and – unfortunately – poor Leemitage learns the hard way that sometimes our imaginary heroes’ talents don’t always live up to that of their real-life counterparts. 
> 
> The questions from the group continue…

In the Great Hall, the audience sat in stunned silence and Bard continued to sing. 

“I used to have a cassette tape like that,” Sophia murmured.

“Did you really?” Agnes whispered incredulously. “Of King Bard?”

“Sort of,” she shook her head. “It was called ‘Songs of the Humpback Whale.’”

"Do you still have it?" Agnes asked. 

"I threw it out after my granddaughter listened to it." 

"Why?"

"She told me it sounded just like her Great-Uncle Marvin."

"He sang that bad, too?"

"He wasn't singing; it was the noises he made in the bathroom," Sophia wrinkled her nose. "He'd always take too long, and nobody could go in there for at least a half-hour after he came out."

"Blech," Maude shuddered. Leo and Bethany collapsed against each other with laughter. 

Luther winced. “I watched that Star Trek movie with the whales, remember? George and Gracie sounded a hell of a lot better than this guy!”

Thangon was getting into the spirit of things, and his low howls were joined by Meryl, but when all the dogs in the neighborhood gathered outside the building to add their two cents…

Something Had to Be Done.

> _Leemitage looked around for some help, and signaled to Wendy. Help me, she mouthed. Make it stop!_
> 
> _Wendy, whose right eye was starting to twitch, tiptoed over to Thranduil and shook him out of his horrified trance. After whispering something in his ear, the Elvenking leaped from his chair to stand beside Bard, and sang at the top of his lungs, drowning out his beloved husband, as everyone in the vicinity’s shoulder’s drooped with relief._

“Oh, thank you Jesus,” Saul sighed, and was smacked by his wife.

> _The other Elves in the Great Hall and taken their hands away from their ears joined their King in song, to drown out the King of Dale._

> _“Someone is going to have to tell him,” Tauriel leaned toward her foster-brother. “If Bard tries to sing during a diplomatic visit…”_
> 
> _“It could start a war,” Legolas agreed. “And frankly, I would not blame them. Ai! My ears still hurt!”_
> 
> _“Will you two shut up and sing?” Sigrid hissed, “before Da starts up again!”_

Once the song was finished, the audience didn’t give Bard a chance. They were all on their feet with a standing ovation, as both Kings took their bows. Thranduil quickly (but lovingly) urged the King of Dale to resume his place at the table, as Leemitage sank gratefully into her seat and buried her face in her hands.

Wenderful hurried things along.

> _“Thank you for that very…interesting performance, My Lords. I wish we could enjoy more of it, Lord Bard, but thank God – er, I mean, unfortunately - we’ve got to stick to the schedule, as there’s a lot to do today.”_

“Are you all right, Adéle?” NightingalesandHandGrenades put her arm around the poor woman. “It’s not your fault; nobody knew about this.”

“I don’t understand,” Leemitage sniffed. “Luke has such a lovely voice… Why didn’t Wendy warn me?”

“I don’t think she had any idea either,” BooksandGuns pointed to the podium. Wendy’s eyes were closed, as she rubbed her temples for a few seconds before she resumed the program.

> _“Now, next up is our friend TildatheFlowerGirl – not to be confused with our Princess Tilda here, although her username was in her honor. Tilda2 is a frequent commentator for Two Thrones and she comes to AO3 all the way from FanfictionDOTnet. She saw all the fun we were having and wanted to join the gang!”_

Tilda2 came forward, looking lovely in her green dress and her henna-colored hair complimented her lovely green eyes. Tauriel especially appreciated her outfit, and gave her a huge smile.

> _“Thank you so much for having me, everyone,” she said, as she pulled out a list of questions. “My first question is for Idril, Adamar, Indis and Ómar: Besides setting the Palace Kitchens on fire, what was the worst stunt Daeron and Turamarth ever pulled as children?”_
> 
> _The twin Ellyth laughed and rolled their eyes in unison, and their husbands shook their heads. After quietly conferring with each other, Indis said, “Well, I am sure King Thranduil well remembers the fire in the kitchens, but that could not be called a “stunt,’ so much as an accident.”_
> 
> _“When our sons were small, they had been told repeatedly,” Idril began, “not to swim or take their boats out on the Forest River by themselves. Most of it was fine, but there were places where the currents were too strong, and they could drown…”_
> 
> _“One day,” Indis continued, “Hîn vîn waited for their Adars to take them on the River, but they were delayed at work. Idril and I did not know of this, so when Daeron and Tur were gone, we had assumed they were with their fathers. Adamar and Ómar, in turn assumed they were with us. Apparently, they carried their little boat to the river and paddled downstream—”_
> 
> _“Where they ran into the very rapids they were warned about,” Idril shivered. “They were thrown from their boat, which crashed into the rocks and were swept downstream…”_
> 
> _Rhian turned to stare at her husband with wide eyes. “You didn’t!”_
> 
> _“I am afraid we did, Hind Calen,” Daeron exchanged sheepish grins with his cousin._
> 
> _“It took us hours to find them, even after we realized they were missing,” Adamar added. “When we found the remains of the boat, we feared the worst, but fortunately, we came across Turamarth clinging to a boulder for dear life, soaked and crying.”_
> 
> _“I was not crying!” Tur scowled._
> 
> _“Oh, yes you were, Ion,” Ómar told him, with a stern look. “But not has hard as your mothers. Daeron had been washed ashore in a tiny cove another mile downstream, and we thought he was dead…”_
> 
> _“But he was only passed out from exhaustion, Praise the Valar,” Idril sighed. “Still, it was one of the worst days we have ever endured. Once they recovered, Daeron and Tur had to go to the Throne Room and confess to the King.”_
> 
> _“That was the first time we had ever seen Lord Thranduil up on his Throne,” Daeron winced. “I was shaking like a leaf.”_
> 
> _“Ai, elo, did he yell!” Turamarth said. “His voice carried throughout the Palace; it was terrible!”_
> 
> _“Evidently it worked,” the Elvenking shrugged. “No other Elfling was so foolish again.”_

“My brother Schlomo and I pulled the same crap when we were kids,” Saul murmured to Luther.

> _“Thank you, very much,” Tilda2 said. “My next question is for Princess Sigrid—”_
> 
> _All eyes turned toward Bard and Mattie’s eldest, and she greet Tilda2 with a smile. “What do you want to know?”_
> 
> _“Where do you see yourself in 10 years’ time? Do you want to marry and have kids?”_
> 
> _The Princess tapped her finger to her mouth as she pondered the question. “I think I would, eventually, but right now, becoming a Healer is most important to me. I don’t want to consider any kind of serious relationship until after I’ve finished my training, and even if I marry and have children, I still want to work. Hannah, Rhian and even Elénaril are such great examples of mothers who manage to perform work that is meaningful to them.”_
> 
> _“Are you spending time with anyone special at the moment?”_
> 
> _At this, both Kings’ eyes widened slightly, and they leaned forward to eye their daughter protectively._
> 
> _“I have lots of friends who are boys, but no one special. Frankly, I have little time for that, between training, homework and the family. And, as my Da and Ada love to remind me,” she rolled her eyes, “there’s no chance of any secret romance, because I’m surrounded by Elves with weapons.”_
> 
> _“Too right, you are,” Bard muttered. “We’ll have none of that nonsense until you are thirty.”_
> 
> _“Fifty,” Thranduil corrected._
> 
> _“Sixty-five,” Legolas chimed in._
> 
> _“See?” Sigrid lifted her hands in a shrug, and joined in the laughter, though the Kings’ faces remained serious._
> 
> _“Lol!” Tilda2 smiled. “Good for you, Your Highness. Now, might I ask Princess Tilda a question?”_
> 
> _“Sure!” Tilda beamed and leaned on her Ada’s arm as Bard took a sip of water._
> 
> _“Would you swap Blossom for your very own Elk?”_
> 
> _“Hhrraaargh!” Bard suddenly choked on his drink._
> 
> _“Sure!” Tilda grinned. “But I do love Blossom though… I’ve always wanted my own Elk, and Ada promised me—”_
> 
> _“He did not!” Bard ground out, with his fist in front of his mouth._
> 
> _“He did so! Didn’t you, Ada?” she frowned up at the Elvenking. “You sa—”_
> 
> _“Shhh!” Thranduil put his fingers to his lips. “We also said it was going to be our little secret, remember?”_
> 
> _“You said WHAT?” the King of Dale recovered himself and glared at his husband. “I told you my daughter was not going to ride on a War Beast!”_
> 
> _“Then you will have to take Blossom from her, as well,” the Elvenking said, imperiously, “for she is fully trained to perform in battle, should the need arise.”_
> 
> _“Da-a!” Tilda cried. “You wouldn’t! Anyway, Ada said my Elk won’t be ready to ride for another eight to ten years, and by that time, I’ll be all grown up, so you can’t stop me!” she stuck out her lower lip._
> 
> _“You told our daughter that?” Bard demanded._
> 
> _“I merely told her the truth,” Thranduil studied his fingernails. “We do not start to train our Elk until they are at least twelve years of age, and currently the one I have picked out for her is four.”_
> 
> _Bard glared at Wenderful. “Can’t you stop this? You could re-write that whole scenario, couldn’t you?”_
> 
> _“Thranduil knows more about that stuff than I do,” Wendy’s shoulders lifted in an apologetic shrug. Then she cleared her throat and changed the subject. “Tilda2? Do you have another question?”_
> 
> _“I do, thank you,” Tilda2 checked her notes. “This is for Lady Hilda; how did Percy propose to you, or did you have to propose to him? I mean, knowing you…”_
> 
> _“No,” Percy answered. “Believe it or not, I was the one who popped the question.”_
> 
> _“’Question?’” Hilda scoffed. “He didn’t ask me a thing! What he did was come over to our house after he came off the Lake – he’d been doing that for about six months, and even my Mam was wondering if it was me he wanted or the food – and after, we used to walk along the docks and see the sunset.”_
> 
> _“That sounds romantic,” Wendy said._
> 
> _“You’d think so, wouldn’t you?” Hilda snorted. “But frankly I got tired of waiting and wondering, and I told him what Mam said.”_
> 
> _“What did you say, Percy?” Tilda2 asked._
> 
> _“I told her I just needed to make sure my future wife was a good cook,” he smirked._
> 
> _“And that, folks, is how he proposed,” Hilda looked up to the sky, then gave them a small smile. “But then he kissed me, and… well, I’ve been cooking for him ever since.”_
> 
> _Percy put his arm around her and kissed her again. “You sure have, love.”_

“Aww…” LadyAurelia sighed. “That’s just how I pictured it in my head.”

“He makes me think of my Homer, God Rest His Soul,” Martha exhaled wistfully.

“I miss my Larry,” Ethel added, and patted her hand. “We’ll see them soon."

> _“Would you mind if I ask a couple more?” Tilda2 asked._
> 
> _“Sure!” Wenderful nodded. “Go ahead!”_
> 
> _“This is for Galion and Feren: What was the funniest thing Thranduil ever did?”_
> 
> _Feren raised his hand, “I still laugh about the time Thranduil tried to steal King Oropher’s horse—”_
> 
> _“Ooh! And Ada fell face-first into the manure pile?” Tilda giggled._
> 
> _“I do not know that story!” Legolas’s eyes bulged. “What happened?”_
> 
> _“You were busy with the Dúnedain,” Wenderful told the Elven Prince. “When you get a chance, read the first chapter of And Winter Came…”1_
> 
> _“It’s hilarious!” Tilda promised her big brother. “I want to read it with you!”_
> 
> _“Tonight, when you are ready for bed, we will,” Legolas smiled at his sister._
> 
> _“Galion? What about you?” Wendy asked the Aide._
> 
> _“Actually, the sight of Thranduil as a boy entering the palace covered with manure was an unforgettable sight,” his lips quivered._
> 
> _“And I would like to ask Ruvyn something, if I could,” Tilda2 sought out the Guardian, who was standing by the doors._
> 
> _“Yes, my lady?” the Elf came forward with a salute._
> 
> _“I see you are still unattached,” Tilda2 said. “Do you prefer Elleth or human women?”_
> 
> _“I would love to tell you, what Wenderful52 has in store for me” he said slyly, “but I am contractually obligated to remain silent.”_
> 
> _“No hints?” she turned to Wenderful_
> 
> _“Nope!” was her friendly, but firm answer. “Anything else?”_
> 
> _“Actually, my last question was for you and the Kings: is there a chance any of us could remain in Dale?”_
> 
> _Wendy’s mouth dropped. “I…uh…I’ve never thought about it, to be honest. What do you think, Lord Bard?”_
> 
> _“What are you looking at me for?” Bard’s head jerked back. “I don’t write this stuff!”_
> 
> _“Let me look into it, and I’ll get back to you, all right?” Wendy made a note on her clipboard. “In the meantime, everyone say thank you to Tilda2, and might I compliment you on your sewing skills! I just got a new machine for Christmas, so we’ll have to talk! Thanks!”_

Everyone applauded Tilda2 as she happily returned to her seat next to littbrat, who was getting ready for her turn.

> _“Next up, Littbrat has been a longtime fan of Two Thrones, and when she contacted me, I was thrilled to finally meet her! She’s not only got questions for our cast, but she brought some of her favorite foods from the Southern USA! Come on up, Littbrat!”_
> 
> _“Hello, y’all,” she said in lovely southern drawl, and brought a stack of Tupperware containers and set them on the table in front of Lord Bard. “This is some comfort food where I come from. Now I’m actually from Southern Mississippi, but these are a favorite from New Orleans, Lousianna: Red Beans and Rice. Y’all will love it. I’ve also got some collard greens, and some homemade cornbread—”_
> 
> _“Corn Bread?” Bain leaned forward hopefully. “That smells great!”_
> 
> _“Help yourself, honey,” Littbrat winked at the prince._
> 
> _“Thank you very much, My Lady,” Bard took her hand and kissed it. “I think Lewis the Cook is going to want to talk to you about the recipes for all this.”_
> 
> _“My pleasure.” Littbrat blushed slightly. “My first question is for Lord Thranduil—”_
> 
> _“Hmm?” the Elvenking had scooped his finger in the red beans and rice, and humming with pleasure. “Can I help you, dear lady?”_
> 
> _“Well, I’ve just got to ask how you take care of your hair! It’s just gorgeous, and so is your skin. How do you take care of it?”_
> 
> _“Ah. I must confess that my blessings in that area are inherent; Elves do not suffer afflictions of the skin, and our hair is naturally luxurious, whether wavy or straight.”_
> 
> _“Don’t listen to him,” Bard interjected with a grin. “He wants you to think he hardly has to lift a finger for him to be gorgeous. My husband likes to use a soap made from olive oil and lavender, and after washing his hair, he smooths with a different blend oils.”_
> 
> _“Thank you, My Lord,” Littbrat bowed politely. “I don’t really have another question, but I want to thank you for allowing us to be a part of this adventure with your family. I love to cuddle up in my chair with a big bowl of popcorn and see what you are up to.”_
> 
> _“Thank you!” Bard said, then asked hopefully. “My family adores popcorn; I hope you brought some?”_
> 
> _“Sure did,” Littbrat pulled a couple of big bags from her sack. “Here! Lady Hilda, I think you’re just wonderful, and please; keep everyone in line for all of us!”_
> 
> _“I’ll do that, love,” Hilda rose and came from around the table to give her a big hug, as everyone applauded._
> 
> _“Don’t return to your seat just yet,” Wendy told her. “By the way, Littbrat, you might be interested to know that while I’ve never been to Mississippi, my mother lived in Biloxi, MS for five years and said it was beautiful! Now, it’s my understanding,” Wendy said to the crowd, “that Littbrat really wanted to meet Elrond, as she’s had a crush on him forever. Well, I wasn’t sure until the last minute if he could make it, but thanks to Gandalf…”_

The big double doors opened, and in walked Elrond. instantly, every Elf in the place, including Lord Thranduil stood and gave him a formal bow and salute, followed by the rest of the Royal Family.

“This guy looks like a big deal,” Agnes gasped to Sophia.

“He really is,” Leo told them. “He’s really the High King of all Elves in Middle Earth.

“That’s pretty important,” Sophia whispered. “He’s taller than the Elf King, but not by much.”

> _After returning the salute, Elrond came to a very surprised littbrat and took her hand in both of his. “Dhe suilannon,” he said with a smile. “Ni veren an dhe ñovaded.”_
> 
> _Poor littbrat dropped her sack, and did a shaky curtsy. “I… am honored to meet you, M-My Lord…”_
> 
> _“The honor is mine. I look forward to speaking with you and the others later?”_
> 
> _Her jaw worked, but nothing came out but, “Uh huh…”_
> 
> _“Very good,” the Elven Lord gracefully led the flabbergasted fan back to her seat, amid thunderous applause._
> 
> _“Thank you, My Lord, for making this special trip. Elrond will be available after for pictures and autographs, and he’s been gracious enough to accept our invitation to the Feast here after we visit the Market!” she clapped hands and the others joined in._
> 
> _“Next up, our Australian friend has a few questions herself, but before she comes up, I know you’ll all join me in saying we have been keeping her country in our thoughts and prayers as they battled those terrible fires Down Under.”_

Everyone stood up turned to her and clapped to show their love and support. Morvidra, dressed in a lovely green-and-red cherry dress and a lovely red cardigan, was visibly moved and grateful as she headed down the aisle toward the front.

> _“Thank you so much, everyone,” she said softly._
> 
> _“I only wish it were possible to join you in your world,” King Thranduil said kindly. “I would bring my entire Army.”_
> 
> _“I know,” Morvidra answered softly, “and it means a lot.” She sighed and pulled out her paper. “I’m afraid littbrat asked one of my questions, about your hair, My Lord, though I am grateful to Lord Bard for revealing your…secrets,” the corner of her mouth lifted in a half-smile. “But I would like to ask Sigrid a question about her instruction as a Healer: What is your favorite part of the training so far? And is there anything you don’t like?”_
> 
> _Sigrid tilted her head as she considered her answer. “It’s easy to say what I don’t like, which is emptying bedpans and urinals, but who would like that?” she laughed. “Still, these are natural functions and Healers get used to all the smells and sounds pretty quickly. We can sometimes know how to treat an illness that way. For instance, that’s how we check for “Sugar Sickness,” and even then, the patients would die without Elven treatment. In Laketown and other places, there is nothing anyone could do._
> 
> _“That’s the biggest reason why Ada wanted us to have Elven Healers; we lost so many of our people between the Dragon and the Battle, that those left have got to be healthy enough to keep Dale running._
> 
> _“My favorite thing is the people. They come to us sick and hurt, and when we can help them feel better, it’s wonderful. Sometimes Healers really can’t do anything, and it’s sad, but even then, we can sit, hold their hand, and bring them some sort of comfort.”_
> 
> _At this, everyone nodded their approval, and Bard gave his husband a loving look._
> 
> _“Thank you, Your Highness,” Morvidra curtsied. “My other question is for Princess Tilda.”_
> 
> _“Okay!” she smiled._
> 
> _“Who gives better hugs? Your Da or Ada?”_

“Now, that question could start a war, don’t you think?” Martha whispered to Ethel. 

“Too right,” was the answer. “What will she say?”

**ELVEN TRANSLATIONS:**

_Hîn vîn_ – our children

 _Ai, elo_ – Oh, wow

**NOTES:**

*In case anyone is wondering, the movie Luther is alluding to is Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, and the humpback whales were named George and Gracie.

[1] _And Winter Came…_ , Ch. 1: <https://archiveofourown.org/works/12026709/chapters/27223320>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we hear from the rest, have a fun afternoon touring the Market, and then onto the Feast, where our Senior Friends will show how to party!


	5. “I could have danced all night..”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Q & A with our celebrities continue, then it’s off to the Market for some fun. Later, the Feast is a resounding success, especially when there is a big surprise in store for some of their guests!  
> .  
> Later, our Kings discuss their day, both good and bad...

> _“Who gives better hugs, Da or Ada?”_ Morvidra asked Princess Tilda with a mischievous wink.

“Uh oh…” Martha winced. “Now, that question could start a war, don’t you think?” 

“Too right,” Ethel nodded, her eyes on the stage. “What will she say?”

“Oh, I’m sure she’ll be diplomatic. That’s like asking me which is my favorite child or grandchild!”

“Oh, I get asked that all the time,” Ethel patted her forearm. “Especially when the subject of my will comes up.”

“No!” Martha was horrified. “They really do that?”

“Yep,” Ethel rolled her eyes. “Well, they did, but not anymore.”

“What did you say?”

“I said I’m going to leave it all to the Hari Krishnas. That shut them up real fast.”

“Good girl,” Martha whispered. 

> _Tilda rested her finger on her chin and considered the question, as her fathers looked on with loving smiles. “I guess I like them both. Before Da married Ada, he was too sad to give good hugs, really. And Uncle Galion said that Ada was the same way, but they both are happy now, and we all hug each other all the time.”_
> 
> __
> 
> _“Excellent answer, Tithen Pen.” Thranduil kissed her temple._
> 
> _“I was hoping you’d say something like that,” Morvidra clapped with the rest of the audience. “Thank you very much,” she bowed with respect and returned to her seat._
> 
> _“And now, let’s hear from our friend, Golden, who serves as my consultant for all the great lyrics that appear at the beginning of each chapter! She and I have the same taste in music, especially Classic Rock, and I know she is hoping to speak with Lord Elrond.”_
> 
> _The Elf-Lord rose from his chair and saluted. “I would be honored, Brennil Vuin.”_
> 
> _“Here we go,” Elladan took Golden’s elbow and helped her out of the chair and down the aisle. “Do not be nervous; my father is powerful, but he is also gentle.”_
> 
> _“I hope so,” she whispered, as she limped alongside him. She was dressed casually in jeans and a t-shirt, and had a warm sweater on her arm. When they reached the front, Golden put her hand over her heart and saluted Elrond. “Mae g'ovannen, Hîr nîn.”_
> 
> _“Mae g'ovannen, Hîl nîn.” He replied with great respect. “I see you have problems with your leg?”_
> 
> _”Yes, My Lord; I was struck by a car last year.”_
> 
> _“I am very sorry to hear that; may I?” the Master Healer placed his hands on her leg and sang in low tones. “Is that better?”_
> 
> _Golden’s eyes flew open. “Yes!”_
> 
> _But Elrond was not finished. He straightened and placed his hands on her head, then closed his eyes as he sang. “I hope this helps your hearing and your vision while you are here, but alas, though I wish it were different, I am afraid the effects will only last during your visit. I am terribly sorry.”_
> 
> _“I am too,” she said, “but I will try to enjoy it while I am here.”_
> 
> __
> 
> _“That’s the spirit,” Elrond smiled down at her. Then he stopped and narrowed his eyes. “Would you allow me to check something else?”_
> 
> _“Certainly,” Golden nodded graciously._
> 
> _The Elf-Lord placed his hand over her heart and closed his eyes. “You have had problems with your heart, but I see that…” his eyes flew open. “Is it possible? You have a valve that your were not born with! How can this be?”_
> 
> _“I had an operation, in which they removed the faulty valve and put in a new one.”_
> 
> _“They do this, where you are from?” Elrond’s jaw dropped. At the table, Daeron leaned forward to hear the answer, and at Golden’s side, Elladan’s gaze was intent._
> 
> _“Yes, My Lord. It is called, ‘Organ Donation,’ and under a particular set of circumstances, a person can make arrangements to donate some organs upon their untimely death. It has benefitted thousands of people. I could speak more about this with you, if you are willing.”_
> 
> _“I would be very interested. Perhaps during the Feast later?”_
> 
> _“Of course,” Golden bowed her head with respect. “I thank you, My Lord, for your kind attentions.”_
> 
> _“You are most welcome.”_
> 
> _”Lord Bard, Lord Thranduil, I’ve brought you some almonds that grow near my home,” she held up a small sack, and handed it over to one of the Guardians._
> 
> _”Oooh! I love nuts!” Tilda clapped her hands._
> 
> _”Thank you,” Bard said. “What are those pinecones?”_
> 
> _These are from the giant trees that also grow in my area called Sequoias. I’m hoping you are able to plant them in your Forest one day.”_
> 
> _”I look forward to it.” Thranduil examined one of the cones carefully, “though at the moment they would not be safe. For now, I will see about growing them in my husband’s territory. I am eager to see these.”_
> 
> _”Trust me,” Golden grinned happily. “You and your people will love them.”_

And everyone smiled and applauded, as Golden took her seat, much more comfortable than before.

“I wonder if they can help my arthritis,” Agnes mused.

“I’ll be they can,” Sophia grew excited. “I’ve had back pain for ages. It’d be nice not to suffer, even if it’s only for a day.” She raised her hand. “Yoo hoo! Excuse me! YOO HOO!”

“Yes?” Wenderful met her eyes. “Can we help you?”

“I was wondering if those… er…” Sophia hesitated. “Elves can help everyone here, so we can enjoy our visit? I brought some money—”

Ermon stood. “If those of you who need attention would kindly report to the Healing Hall during the visit to the Market, my staff and I will be happy to help.”

> _“I’ll be there!” Sebby1027’s hand shot up.Several other members of the audience voiced their eagerness to participate._
> 
> _“That’s wonderful!” Wendy smiled. “We’ll all have a great time dancing later.” She looked over the audience. “Does anyone have anything else? They want to ask?”_
> 
> _“I do!” Leemitage stood. “My question is for Lewis the Cook.”_
> 
> _“What can I help you with?” Cook grinned, as he held Greta’s hand._
> 
> _“First of all, I’d like to congratulate you on your upcoming marriage,” Aurelia smiled. “Can you and I get together later and talk about recipes?”_
> 
> _“Of course!” Lewis nodded eagerly. “I’ll even give you a tour of the Castle Kitchens if you like.”_
> 
> _“I’d love that!” she clasped her hands in delight._
> 
> _“Ooh,” LadyAurelia jumped up. “Can I join you? I’d also like to spend some time with Adila and talk about her homeland. I’d love to swap some recipes.”_
> 
> _The Harad lady, dressed in a beautiful silky gown that draped over one shoulder stepped forward from the small crowd of characters gathered next to the table on the dais. “Good afternoon,” she said in a lovely accent. “I would love it if you joined me in my shop later.”_
> 
> __
> 
> _“It’s a date!” Aurelia waved at the woman._
> 
> _“Sounds wonderful. After we’re done with the Market, folks, there will be a formal tour of Bard’s Castle – the public rooms only – and those of you who wish to join Lewis and Leemitage in the kitchens are welcome.” Wenderful’s gaze swept the hall. “Anyone else? Ok, then, let’s meet them up close and personal for autographs and pictures, people!”_

The crowd cheered one last time, and then everybody rose and grabbed their things, as Wendy opened up a box of Sharpie markers and handed them out to the cast of Two Thrones.

“What are these?” Bain asked.

“Writing instruments from our world,” Wendy told them. “You don’t need any ink; all you have to do is pull off the cap, like so,” she demonstrated, “then press it on a piece of paper and write your name.” She set the tip of it down on her clipboard and scribbled a line or two across the page.

“That’s amazing!” Percy’s head jerked back. “Do you have any idea how much time that would save me and Alun? No more inkwells, and feathers! Can we keep them?”

“I don’t think I should,” Wendy told them. “It’s a bad idea to mix up things from our two worlds.

“What do you think today is about, lady?” Percy waved his arm in frustration. “We’re mixing it up right now! And those folks will be buying crap in the Market and taking it home with them; I don’t see any reason why we can’t keep a few souvenirs ourselves!”

“I agree,” Bain said. “It’s not fair.”

Wendy sighed. “I’ll think about it,” she rolled her eyes, and was going to say something else when a shriek pierced the noise in the Great Hall.

> _“Eeeeeeek!”_

Everyone’s head whipped back and forth to hear where the noise came from. 

> _“You've brought lightening inside!” Hilda was standing with her hands over her eyes next to NightingalesandHandGrenades, whose arm was straight as her hand grasped her Smart Phone. “We will be struck!”_
> 
> _“Oh, shit…” Wendy dropped the box of markers and rushed over to the small crowd. “No, Hilda; it’s not lightening. It really isn’t.”_
> 
> _“Well then, what the blazes is it then?”_
> 
> _“It’s called a camera. It is… like an instant painting, only we make it with light. The flash, isn’t lightning, it’s how a photo – or ‘pic’ – is taken.”_
> 
> _“You mean, you don’t have to draw or paint anything?” the woman slowly lowered her hands. Everyone from Dale crowded close for this explanation._
> 
> _“No,” Nightingale said, and held up her phone. “See? I have it already!”_
> 
> _“Hilda squinted at the flat, rectangular object and gasped. “That’s me?”_
> 
> _“And me,” Nightingale smiled. “We call it a ‘selfie.’”_
> 
> _Bard shoved through the crowd followed by Percy and Thranduil. “Are you all right?”_
> 
> _“Apparently I am,” Hilda pointed to the phone. “You aren’t going to believe this! Look!”_
> 
> _The King of Dale’s eyes bulged as Nightingale swiped her finger and showed all the pictures she has. “See? This is us on the bus, and there’s Gandalf driving.”_
> 
> _“Holy shit balls…”_
> 
> _“Bard!” Hilda smacked him upside the head. “You said you’d be good today!”_
> 
> _“Well, who knew they had such things?” Bard held out his hand. “May I try?”_
> 
> _“Sure, My Lord!” she placed it in his hand. “Ok, so this is how you point… and touch this little button if you want to see outward, and again if you want a picture of yourself, which was what I did with Lady Hilda…”_
> 
> _“I’ll be damned…” Bard switched it to a view of everyone in the Great Hall. “Now, what?”_
> 
> _“See that circle there? Just touch it.”_
> 
> _A small click was heard, and the still image appeared._
> 
> _“Holy shit balls,” Percy murmured, then quickly jumped out of Hilda’s reach._
> 
> _“I’ve got one, too!” Leo said._
> 
> _“So, do I!” Bethany yanked hers out of her purse. “Anybody else want to see?”_

For the next hour everyone had a ball. There were hundreds of pictures taken, autographs written on small books, totebags, even a few forearms. The popcorn was eaten, along with the other samples of food their guests had brought, accompanied by the hard apple cider and wine.

“This is truly delicious,” Thranduil told Leemitage, as he finished off the first bottle.

“I’m glad you like it, _Hîr nîn_.”

> _“Okay, everybody!”_ Wenderful clapped her hands. _“The wagons are outside ready to take us to the Market, now! Everyone have their bags and shopping lists ready?”_

“I can’t wait to see Mona! I haven’t seen her since Yule!” Leo smiled happily, as they rode through the streets.

“Which was only a few weeks ago,” Bethany smirked. “Weren’t they the ones who won the pool when Galion and Rôgon got married?”

“Yep, that’s how they paid for their trip. And the bets weren’t on what day they’d get married, but when they would stop screaming at each other.”

“That was funny,” she giggled.

“Apparently not so for poor Elion and Airen,” Leo put his arm around her. “I think they should have gotten combat pay.” He leaned forward and asked Sofia and Agnes, How are you two doing, over there?”

“Oh, we’re fine, dear,” Agnes smiled. “I’m looking forward to the fabric shop, too. I’ve been wanting to make a new robe.”

“Did I hear there’s a new toy store?” Sofia asked Leo.

“Yep. Bifur – that’s one of the Dwarves – runs it. Bethany is anxious to buy something for her nephew.”

“Well, I’ve got seven great-grandchildren who might like something,” Sofia arranged her empty shopping tote. 

The wagon ride wasn’t long at all; but it prevented them from becoming lost in the twists and turns of the city streets. 

> _“And here we are!”_ Wenderful called out. _“Let’s thank our wonderful drivers, Daffyd, his son Powell, and his son Bowen for such a smooth ride!” **1**_

_“_ Thanks for schlepping us!” Sadie yelled.

> The drivers turned around and waved to their passengers as they kept the horses in line. “It’s been our pleasure,” Daffyd called out. _“Now, please, just like before: don’t get out until we have a chance to set the breaks, all right?”_

“I’ve always liked them,” BagofAngryKittens said once her feet landed on the cobblestones. “They’re so good to Bowen and his brother and sister.”

“Not all kids are that lucky,” PirateLawrence agreed. “Especially in our world. I think Ellyn and Owen are happy to see their kids are doing so well.” 2

Everyone had a great time at the Market. It was a sunny day, if a bit chilly, but nothing that a few good wraps and sweaters couldn’t handle. Byron the Baker’s plump face shone as he showed off his case of sweet rolls and muffins. 

His wife and mother-in-law Enid handed out bite-sized samples of goodies and chatted with their visitors. Several times, they went behind the counter with Byron and posed for pictures, and a few even asked to see his outdoor oven for the summer.

Lynn, was thrilled to see Leo again so soon, and they threw their arms around each other with delight. 

“How was your Christmas in Wales?” Mona asked, as she kissed them. 

“It was fun,” Bethany told her. “This is Sofia, and Agnes, our friends from the bus. We’ve been sort of looking out for them, but now we’re friends.”

“Nice to meet you, dearie,” Agnes held Lynn’s hand. “This is a lovely shop.”

“Thank you,” Lynn curtsied. “King Thranduil helped us learn our trade, but it was King Bard who freed us from those two women from Laketown.”

“They’re not worth thinking about, hon,” Mona reminded her wife. “That’s all past, now.”

“I’m glad for you,” Leo told her. “But I hear most of it was Iona’s fault, and she’s dead.”

“She is,” Lynn shook her head. “She really was crazy. Lady Sigrid said Ina has been doing a bit better at the Palace, and that she’s really changed.” She sighed. “I hope so. If you think about it, Mona and I were the lucky ones; all we had to do was get away from that, and look where we are now? But Ina has to live with a lot of guilt, and for that, I’m inclined to forgive her and pity her.”

“That’s wise of you, sweetie,” Sofia patted Lynn’s back. “Live and let live, I always say. Your happiness is the best revenge, you know.”

“I suppose,” Mona put her arm around her wife’s shoulders protectively. “I’m just not ready to forgive yet.”

“We’d love to visit some more,” Lynn looked over their shoulders and eyed several customers entering the shop. “But this is a big day for us.”

“Oh, no; you two get to work,” Leo waved them off. “I’ll see you both later, at the Feast. Bye!”

Rod and Catrina had trays upon trays of ale ready for their thirsty customers, and small sandwiches. Luther and Saul as per their plan, stayed on at the Long Lake and started a poker game.

“You two have fun,” Luther said to Maude, as he kissed her cheek. “Do you need more money?”

“But don’t you need it for your game?” she asked.

“Here,” he reached into his pocket and pulled out several coins. “Buy yourself something special.”

“Well?” Sadie stood in front of Saul. “Aren’t you going to kiss me goodbye?”

“Should I?” her husband winked.

“Saul!” she smacked his arm, but then laughed as she was pulled into him for a big smack on the lips. “You are frisky today!”

“Well, I feel frisky; my joints don’t ache and…” he whispered into her ear, “guess what else is working?”

Sadie pulled back in surprise. “Really?”

“You bet. Want me to see of Rod has any rooms available upstairs?”

“Oh…” Sadie’s face turned bright red, “Maybe later. After we finish shopping.”

“Don’t wait too long,” Saul narrowed his eyes, leaned in and growled softly into her ear. 

“You’re an animal,” she giggled. “Come on,” she grabbed Maude’s hand and went back outside.

All the shops in the Market did excellent business, and were thrilled to put the added income into their safes at the end of the day. Bifur’s toy shop was a treat, even for those who had no children to buy for. Glélindë and the other seamstresses had prepared several ready-made dresses for women and tunics for the men in both Dale and Elven style. The soft, flowing gowns were especially popular, and Sadie bought one in a light blue.

“I’m going to wear this for Saul, later,” she confided to Maude. 

“I’ll bet it won’t stay on long,” Maude giggled, as she held out a pink one.

“You should get it,” Sadie urged. “Luther would love it.”

“You think so?”

“Give it to me,” Sadie took it. “I’m buying it for you; now you don’t have an excuse.”

“But we’re not married!” Maude went pale.

“You mean he hasn’t asked?”

“Well, yes, but— wait! What are you doing?”

“You’ll see,” Sadie stuck her head out the door of the shop. _“WENDERFUL!”_

A few hours later, it was time to gather in the Great Hall for an evening of Feasting and Dancing. But they were all surprised to find something else had come up.

> _“All right everyone; would all of our guests gather round?” Wenderful called out and waved everyone over, with the Kings on either side of her._
> 
> _“What’s the matter?” PirateLawrence looked concerned._
> 
> _“Nothing at all,” Wendy told her. “This evening, before we begin the festivities, we have a bit of a surprise. It seems our friend Luther from the Shady Pines Senior Center of Pixley recently proposed to Maude, and she accepted. I’ve spoken to King Bard and King Thranduil and they have graciously agreed to hold their wedding right here and now!”_

A roar went up as everyone jumped to their feet. Bofur and the rest of the Dwarves readied their instruments and waited for the signal, as Luther and Saul took their places by the Kings. 

“I love weddings,” Martha smiled.

“Me, too,” Ethel jostled her shoulder as the music started. Everyone turned toward the door. “Oh! Here she comes! And doesn’t she look beautiful!”

Sadie came first in her blue Elven gown, and her white hair was full of small flowers and she carried a lovely bouquet of flowers and greenery. Immediately following was the bride, on Lord Elrond’s arm. Maude looked pretty in pink with a crown of red roses in her hair and in her arms.

Luther beamed at his lovely bride all through the ceremony, as the Kings spoke of finding love at every stage of life, and they even briefly mentioned their wives, and how the love they still bore for them carried into the lives they have today. He and Maude exchanged rings provided by Lord Bard – he insisted upon paying for them as a gift – and blessing were given in English, Westron and Sindarin. Lord Elrond even spoke a little Quenya to cover their bases, and even King Dáin and his wife Dilna gave their blessings in Khuzdul (but they did not require to the bride and groom to knock foreheads, thankfully).

And the Feast was now a Wedding Feast. 

After the hearty meal, Daffyd and Powell had decorated one of the wagons to carry the bride and groom (and their attendants) over to their rooms at the Long Lake, while the Dale folk pushed the tables back so the dancing could begin.

With such lively and joyous music, a good time was by everyone in the building. The remaining Pixley Red Hatters especially enjoyed their temporary reprieve from age-related arthritis and danced with their hosts, but when Martha saw Ethel teaching the sons of Elrond how to do the Jitter Bug, she became concerned.

“You just had a hip replaced, Ethel!” she put her hands on her hips. “You’re going to hurt yourself! Your kids are gonna plotz when they hear about this!”

“Who’s going to tell them?” Ethel retorted as Elrohir whipped her around the floor. 

“Me!”

“No you won’t,” Ethel jumped up and the Elf caught her and whipped her around to his left, then right, then he split his legs and swung her through them, before he threw her up in the air with a twist. “Weeeeee!” she laughed.

“Ethel!” Martha put her hands to her face. “You’re going to have another stroke!”

“So what? It’s better to go like this than to waste away in some damn nursing home!” Ethel grinned. “And you’re not going to say a word.” She turned into Elrohir’s arms then back out again several times.

“Oh? And how to do you know?”

“Because if you do, I’ll tell your son Matthew about the time I caught you rubbing BenGay into Solomon Smith’s butt last month!”

Martha gasped. _“I never did that!”_

“So what?" Ethel stuck her tongue out. "I’ll tell him anyway. Now keep your trap shut and start enjoying yourself!”

“Pardon me, Fair Lady,” a smooth voice was at her side. Martha turned to see it was Captain Rahlen, one of the soldiers staying in the North for a year. “Might I have this dance? This ‘Jit-ter Bug,’ as you call it, seems entertaining!”

Martha looked into the tall, handsome Elf’s face with his dark hair flowing like silk nearly to his waist. 

“Oh, what the hell,” she grabbed his hands. “Let’s show Ethel how it’s done! I didn’t win the North Dinkleburg High School Dance Contest three years in a row for nothing!”

“How long ago was that, My Lady?”

“Never you mind, young man; just shut up and follow my lead!”

The dance was a smashing success. Leo danced with Bethany, and the other AO3’s took a turn with almost every Elf in the room. Daeron and Rhian enjoyed several slow dances, as did Ivran and Cwën. Bard and Thranduil gazed lovingly into each other’s eyes and smiled as they moved together, and Galion had his head on Rôgon’s shoulders as they swayed to the music. 

Ermon and Elénaril even had their chance. The Red Hatters volunteered to hold the Elflings while they took a few moments to themselves, and fussed over their cute ears and clapped as they toddled around.

> _Percy took his wife’s hand and asked her to dance, but not before giving Bain a subtle kick to ask his sister._
> 
> _“But why?” Bain groaned._
> 
> _“Because if you dance with any other female here, they’ll think she’s your girlfriend—”_
> 
> _“No!”_
> 
> _“…and this will be the only chance Sigrid gets to dance besides with her Das; anyone who comes up to ask will be followed around by a Elf with his hand on his sword. Now get your arse perpendicular to that chair and go!”_

The Red Hatters (those who were there) were also very popular. In between dances, they sat with Hilda, Enid and Gladys shared stories of their grandchildren, and talked politics.

 _“Oy vey,_ that old Master of Laketown reminds me of that orange-haired schmuck running our country!” Sadie and Ethel scowled and shook their heads.

”Maybe we should find a Dragon to fall on him!” Martha suggested.

Agnes pulled out several knitting magazines, which sparked Sigrid’s interest, and was fascinated at her set of KnitPicks interchangeable needles. The Princess was thrilled when she pulled out her extra Addi Turbo needles and gifted them to her. 

“This is genius!” Sigrid flexed the circular needle. “It makes a lot more sense!” her eyes lifted and caught something on the dance floor. “Oh, isn’t that cute!”

Darryn was on the dance floor with Llewelyn and Seren’s little red-haired daughter, Liliwen, and they were hugging each other and lifting their feet to the music. Both toddlers squealed with delight, and the crowd moved back to give them space, and when the song was done, the babies enjoyed a round of applause, before they were scooped up by their parents.

All too soon, their magical day was over, and it was time to say farewell to their friends in the North. Hugs were given and returned, a few tears of happiness (for the wonderful adventure) and sadness (that they had to leave). 

The AO3’s gathered up their coats, cell phones and all the goods they purchased at the Market and amid many waves and shouts, boarded the wagon. 

The Elvenking and Lord Elrond recited a blessing over them and especially their guests from Shady Pines, before the wagon left to pick up their two married couples at the Long Lake Inn.

But there had been a sudden change of plans.

> _Elrond had taken Thranduil aside just after the ceremony and said. “When we were officiating over the wedding ceremony, did you notice something?”_
> 
> _Thranduil’s brows drew together. “You saw it too?”_
> 
> _“I did, and so did Daeron.”_
> 
> _“I noticed Luther was particularly concerned over Mistress Maude, and now we know the reason; she does not have long to live, does she?” the Elvenking sighed._
> 
> _“Not in her world, but a blood sickness is easily dealt with in ours.” Elrond reminded him. “Do you think your husband would allow them to stay?”_
> 
> _“We will ask…”_
> 
> _When everyone was assembled on the wagons, Wenderful stood up. “I have an announcement to make, everyone. Due to some devastating health issues, our newlyweds, Maude has been offered a permanent place to say here in Dale, where she can receive better treatment, and she and her new husband have accepted. Let us all wish them many happy years together!”_

A general gasp of surprise went up, followed by cheers of support.

“I had no idea…” tears sprang to Martha’s eyes. “Oh, the poor dear.”

“She just found out before we came,” Sofia turned in her seat. “Luther’s been wanting to marry her so he can take care of her.”

“But this is so much better. No chemo, no bone marrow transplants…”

“No side-effects,” Agnes, who survived breast cancer nodded. “Bless them.”

“Will Sadie and Saul want to stay, too, do you think?”

“No. They’ve got their kids and grandkids. Luther’s son and first wife died in a car accident, and Maude could never have children. This is good for both of them,” Agnes smiled. 

The wagon was getting ready to pull out. The brakes were released, and all were waving and crying out last minute goodbyes. Dafyyd had just snapped the reins when there was a frantic shout.

“Wait! Wait!”

Instantly he stopped. Rhian and Seren flew through the archways of the Great Hall and down the steps, followed by Daeron, Llew and their two older sons. 

“We can’t find our children!” Rhian gasped. “I thought they were with Seren—”

“And we thought they were with Rhian and Daeron,” Lili’s mother explained. “Could you please look for us?”

The guests quickly checked under their seats and coat.

“Found them!” came the cry from the back wagon. Morvidra and Tilda2 grinned, as littbrat pointed. Darryn and his little friend had burrowed under the comfortable nest of coats and fell asleep. Their faces were sticky with sweets and Lili’s fist held a remnant of apple spice cake.

Daeron reached up and first picked up Lili, who opened her eyes with a whine, then settled into her Da’s shoulder. Darryn didn’t wake up at all, but sighed as he wrapped his arms around his _Ada’s_ neck.

“Thank you!” Rhian whispered and held her fingers to her lips.

Saul and Sadie were quiet as they boarded the wagons. Maude and Sadie hugged a tearful goodbye, and the men shook hands and cleared their throats.

“I’m so happy for you, sweetie,” Sadie told the bride. “This is a good thing, though I will miss you.”

“You take care of her,” Saul told his poker buddy. “So glad you two have more time.”

“I know I didn’t want anyone to say anything, and I wanted to pretend like nothing was wrong,” Maude said, as she leaned into Luther. “But I just wanted today to be about fun, so I could remember. Did you tell them?” she asked.

“No, but they’re Elves,” Sadie said, with confidence. “I guess it’s true what they say about them. Especially that Elrond. You just get well, and enjoy this place, okay?”

“We will.”

So, the exit from Dale was much quieter than anybody anticipated, but no one really minded.

Once the tourists reached the Gates, they opened as the guards called down. “Goodbye! Goodbye!”

> _"Thank you for having us!" Wenderful52 waved up at them. "You guys were great!"_

And after they all boarded the bus, and a quick roll-call was taken, Gandalf took the wheel and the Two Thrones Comicon came to an end.

***************

**City of Dale, later that evening**

“Phew,” Bard blew out a breath, as he and Thranduil entered their bedchamber. “That was fun, but I’m ready to hit the sack.” He headed into their privy to wash and brush his teeth.

Once Thranduil took his turn he donned his sleeping pants crawled into bed and with a soft sigh. “This feels wonderful.”

“As much as I'd love to grope at you, I can't keep my eyes open.” The Bowman turned on his side to face his Elf and closed his eyes with a sigh.

“Bard?” Thranduil said in a careful tone.

“Hmmm?”

“Before we sleep, we need to discuss something.”

“Is it important?” Bard mumbled.

“Well, everyone who came to me said I should not wait to tell you.”

The King of Dale reluctantly opened his eyes. “Who is everyone?”

“Everyone in our family, everyone who works in the Castle; pretty much everyone who was present in the Great Hall today…”

“What happened?" Bard stiffened. "I thought things went well?”

“Oh, they did! Truly!" Thranduil turned over to face him, and took his hands. _"Meleth nîn_ , what I am about to say comes from a place of love.”

Bard said nothing, but his right eyebrow quirked toward his hairline and his eyes narrowed in confusion. 

“It is your singing, _Hervenn nîn.”_

"What about it?"

"Perhaps you should not, at least in pubic."

“When should I sing?”

“Never. Again," he winced. "As long as you live in Middle Earth. And probably not in Valinor, either.”

“You don't want me to sing?" Bard jerked his head back in shock. "What about in private?”

“If you could avoid it, the Castle staff would be grateful.” Thranduil scrunched his eyes tight.

The Bowman rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. "But I love to sing!”

“I could tell, _Meleth nîn_. It is funny how this issue never came up, and it pains me to hurt your feelings, but you have a appalling singing voice.”

“That bad?”

“It physically hurt my ears, and I am in love with you. It was much worse for the other Elves in hearing distance.”

“I really can’t sing?”

“No. My wonderful husband, who is good at so many things, cannot carry any sort of tune. You have a smooth, soft speaking voice that makes me weak in the knees, and does unspeakable things to my _Gwîb_ that makes me scream in ecstasy _,_ cannot carry a tune." Thranduil took his hand and kissed each of his fingers. 

"I can't be that bad--"

"Bard, do you remember when I had that vision of the great battle on the field before Gondor?”

“What about it?”

“Your voice sounded very much like the roar of those Oliphants I saw.”

Bard's mouth thinned as he sat up. "You don't have to be mean about it."

“I do not wish to hurt your feelings,” Thranduil quickly sat up and put his hands on his shoulders. “I would never want to hurt you, but _Meleth nîn;_ your voice will give my people nightmares.”

Bard rubbed his hand over his face and jaw. “I made an arse of myself, didn't I?”

“Percy was wrong to encourage you, and Hilda is dealing with him. You can expect some ribbing from your friends for a while." 

“I am a horrible singer.”

“Yes. I am so sorry to be the one to tell you. But, Bard," he squeezed his Bowman's hands, "we all love you very much.”

Bard laid back against the pillows. “It’s never really come up before. When Mattie was alive, who could compare to her voice? Then she died, and I barely smiled, let alone sang. And you and I have been so busy since we got together." He suddenly didn’t want to talk about it anymore. “Can we just either go to sleep?"

“Of course, Bard,” Thranduil kissed him. “Anything you need.”

“All right…”

They settled together again, in an uncomfortable silence. After a few minutes, Bard opened his mouth.

“Thran—”

“I am sure, _Meleth nîn_. I would not tell you something like this if it were not so.”

“Hmmm…”

They were still again in the darkness, when Thranduil went stiff.

“ _Meleth nîn?”_

“I’m fine.” Bard turned his head. “I will be, anyway. Don’t worry about it.”

“That is not what I wanted to ask.”

“Oh? What then?”

“What is a _tuchus?”_

Bard propped himself up on his elbows. “Why?”

“Because I was told I had a nice one.”

“By whom?”

“Mistress Sofia, I believe.”

The Bowman shrugged, "Might be where she pinched you while you were dancing with her.”

Thranduil’s eyes widened in shock. “You mean my… _nulav?”_

__

“That’d be my guess.” Laughter bubbled up in Bard’s chest. 

“But did she pinch your… _tuchus,_ as well?”

“No.”

“Perhaps it was because she liked mine better.” Thranduil wiggled his eyebrows.

“I don’t blame her. I know I do.” Bard reached under the covers and gave Thranduil a tweak.

“Bard!” he laughed and jerked away, but the Bowman pinched him again, then began to tickle him.

After a thoroughly enjoyable tickle-fest, finally relaxed enough to go to sleep. They spooned together and drifted off with smiles on their faces.

**ELVEN TRANSLATIONS:**

_Meleth nîn_ – My love

 _Hervenn nîn_ \- My Husband

Nulav – arse

**NOTES:**

[1] _An Invincible Summer_ ; Ch. 6: <https://archiveofourown.org/works/14127870/chapters/33186795>

[2] Ibid.; Ch. 19: <https://archiveofourown.org/works/14127870/chapters/34716686>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this long chapter is the end of our journey to Dale. I want to thank absolutely everyone who took part in this story, and I hope you like what I have done with you. It was such a good time!
> 
> Thank you: BagofAngryKittens, Golden, Leemitage (Love you, Adele!), littbrat, Morvidra, Sebby1027, TildatheFlowerGirl, Constantine_You_Owe_Me (and his lovely fiancee, Bethany), Dmaddruidd, Gouniverseofauniverse, kayakaari, Kyuumaihara, Less, Levana, Mirimi, Nafritiel, NightingalesandHandGrenades, PirateLawrence, vanessaSU, WinterGenisis, and Yoshiaki!!
> 
> You are all wonderful, and a special thank you to those who wrote me to participate, or who commented during this story. YOU GUYS are what made this story even possible and what made it fun! And you all were so nice to our other guests who decided to tag along! They appreciate it!
> 
> I'd also like to thank the Pixley Red Hat Society, along with some of the folks from the Shady Pines Senior Center, who joined our little group.


End file.
